Not much change

Not much change to report. Nausea is unrelenting and has progressed to vomiting on occassion. so so tired and also dizzy. The joys, hoping it eases at 11 weeks like it did with Laci.

Work was a struggle, but good to have something else to think about. Unbelievably I got asked by a student if I was pregnant! I denied it, but boy I look it! So bloated, nothing fits. Have resorted to having to wear maternity clothes at times (mainly pants).

Under a week till the scan, it may be too early to see the heartbeat, but fingers crossed.

The move to Cairns is official, dates set and removalists booked, just waiting for them to get back to us with uplift date. But we should be on our way 4 weeks today :)

I did find out some great news, Cairns Hospital now takes babies from 28 weeks and 1 kilo, so that gives us a super chance of having this baby there. Wow I can't believe it, I may actually get to have a baby in the same town that I am living, now thats a novelty!

Not going so good

Be warned, whinge ahead..

Not doing great today, this nausea is unrelenting, have managed to almost lose brekky and lunch, I can't keep my eyes open and I am so dizzy and weak.. Shannon is away for work and flying solo with Laci is proving to be difficult when feeling like this and also working.

Please go to sleep dear child and stop coming out of your room so I can get some rest!

The final bloods

So today was the last check on the HCG levels. At least I know why I am feeling pretty average, they are on the up and up :) Now its the wait till the scan in just under 2 weeks.

I have a doubling time of 32 hours (thats pretty good I hear) and todays level was a nice 4700

Back to work

So after almost 3 months break I am back to work today. I am going back to the school job, just 3 days a week until the end of school term (5 weeks). They really need me at the moment and we could do with the extra $ for the move to Cairns.

I also found out last week that I got the job I applied for in Cairns. I will be working 0.7 which basically means 7 days a fortnight. Pretty happy with that, my maternity leave will kick in as well as QLD Health policy is as long as you have less than 12 months break between employment, entitlements keep going. I won't be telling them about the pg until I am about 12 weeks though, but I will be about 11 when I start anyhow.

Well better get organised, the morning rush about to begin and gee I'm nauseaus! :)

Garage Sale

The garage sale went well. We made $710 so thats goes straight into the moving fund. Most of the sales were between 8-9.30 and then a few stragglers later in the day.

Pretty tired, but MUST get this essay finished tonnight.

Off I go!

Busy

So its the day before the garage sale, so am pretty busy organising everything, we've never actually had one before.

Okay I have a confession (yes another one), but over the last few years we have had 3 seperate people (one psychic and 2 family/relatives who have psychic abilities) that they see us with twin boys. It has been one of those ongoing chuckles that Shannon and I have to ourselves. Of course we only put one embryo back, so they would have to be identical and really how lucky/unlucky would we be?

Anyhow, just thought I would get it out there, I am sure it is just one healthy one making me feel like this. I am so tired, dizzy, nauseaus etc. WOW it has really hit me this time.

So...anyhow, the bloods from yesterday at 17dpo were a very nice 610

Today's plans

So Laci and I waved Shannon off again, he just got back from Cairns yesterday and today he is off to one of the remote indigenous communities here in the Cape. Its a 2.5hr 4wd trip so he had to leave early, I have done the drive too many times to count and I don't envy him. He will stay overnight and be back tomorrow.

Planning to keep busy with Laci for next 2 days. We are having a garage sale on Saturday, so I need to organise everything. I am also trying to finish this Uni essay, but that will have to be tonight.

Oh and isn't it a girls perogative to change her mind lol? I decided to get more bloods today, I know I know, hopefully dr will agree all is good to check again, I guess this bit of anxiety is to be expected after last time? I am going to see the one other dr here who is a private GP so the bloods will go to a different lab, so will do my best not to scrutinise and compare levels. As long as going up hey? Don't expect to get result till at least tomorrow or saturday, ah the joys of living in whoop whoop.

Also, it seems after nearly 3 months break from work I am heading back. I am going back to my old job here for just 5 weeks (till the end of school term) and only 3 days a week (Mon-Wed). They really need me as the guidance officer at school is going on maternity leave and that would leave no support services. I feel okay about going back. Hoping the morning sickness doesn't kick in too much more (though I am sure it will) as am coping okay at the moment with the nausea. Then we move to Cairns.

So hopefully the next 5 or so weeks will fly by and get me through the early weeks of this pregnancy.

Called the clinc

Today I called the clinic to let them know of my result, I wanted to speak to the particular nurse who has been so great through this all, she is the one who persisted with the dr that we give this cycle a go, even when we only had the two follies, she was over the moon to say the least!

She asked me to have my bloods repeated on Friday and then if all good, take it from there.

So thats what I'll do.

Today I have been slaving away on the computer to get an essay done, I really have to submit it by friday, but am a bit behind schedule, am thinking it will be monday at this stage. I just find all the referencing tedious, why can't it just be like school days when you just wrote what you remembered and that was 'fact' lol I know I know, its uni and its my masters! But I can dream ha ha

I am also off to a baby shower in about 30 minutes, so better get organised.

Nausea still there today but not too bad.

All good

Well the hunger has already changed into the 'all day' nausea. I just find it amazing, my body, how I get the nausea so early on.. Ah well, thats life I guess, all worth it in the end.

I just got my blood results back from 14 days post epu or days post ovulation and they were very nice! 150

That is higher than I have had for any of my pregnancies, so am pretty pleased (okay thats an understatement lol) YAHOOO!!

A trip to the local Dr

So this morning I toddled off to see the local Dr in this whoop whoop town in remoteness Far Nth QLD. I decided I should go so that we could organise the early scan that checks for the heartbeat.

We don't have sonographers here, so we have one that flies in once a month for 2 days, otherwise you have to fly out to Cairns to have ultrasounds. I knew when the sonographer was next due in and decided it was too early, so I wanted to ask to book flights and get referral to fly out.. well that didn't go quite as planned, silly GP insistant on my havng the early scan here and then if no heartbeat then I can fly out a week later to have it repeated. Non too happy about that I tell ya!, but no amount of discussion from nurse Sandy was going to change his mind! I was really hoping to avoid ambiguous results after last years experience of multiple scans all trying to find that heartbeat that never happened..

Anyhow its booked, I will be only 6 weeks 3 days and it will be the afternoon of Thursday 5th June. One thing I guess, Shannon will be able to be with me.

Dr also did bloods. After all my over thinking hcg levels etc before, I decided 'what the heck' I am confident that they will be fine and hopefully they will do nothing but reassure me. I am only just 14 days since egg pick up today, so anything around 60 would keep me happy. For the pg that never took off last year, my levels were:
14dpo - 26
17dpo - 47
21dpo - 240
24dpo - 550

So as you can see they never really took off, there was obviously something wrong from the start, but boy it was hard to go through..

So off course I am sure I won't be able to help compare, but fingers crossed it will be all good.

I should find out the result tomorrow sometime.

My girl

This is Laci dressing herself this morning. What a classic, hat on backwards, socks pulled up and completely colour coordinated! Don't ask about the poses! Where do they get them?

I'm so proud :)

Okay I believe it!

When you want something so bad, sometimes its hard to make it sink in, espcially after the miscarriage last year. One thing that has reassurred me this time is that last time my hcg levels were never great and all home pregnancy tests were very light.. I guess I can't say that this time ...

You will have to humour me just one more time, but I just had to POAS this morning, just to see and yes I can say it did make me very happy.. I will now hang up my hat in the POAS arena for life. This is it ladies and gentlemen, regardless of the outcome.. Shannon and I discussed it last night, this is it for us, our last chance, so hell, I'm gunna enjoy every moment!

Laci's pregnancy was so stressful, ever day an eternity, this time, life WILL go on around my pregnancy, yes I am high risk, but I want to enjoy this, I am so blessed to have this opportunity..

Here I go :)

Oh and here is the photo of this mornings stick lol

POAS

POAS = Pee on a stick = Home pregnancy test

Okay so after talking to Shannon he agreed (reluctantly) that I could do a test this morning at 12 days since egg pick up. He really wanted me to wait another day or so but said based on my symptoms, that he figured (as did I) that it would probably be quite clear if it was positive.

So at 6am this morning it was done. DISCLAIMER ** I did do a test about 4 days ago that was definately negative to ensure the hcg injections were out of my system, I figure that one doesn't really count as was too early, but I just didn't want to be worrying if there was a second line whether it was real or not..

Okay enough rambling

Here is the best photo and it did come up very quick, like 15 seconds :)




Now, please stick little one, I don't think I could handle another loss

Watch this space

I 'may' have some exciting news soon.. I am 11 days since egg pick up and I'm definately not the same as last time. I have nausea, fatigue, huge appetite, still have sore boobs, etc etc

I may be reading into it all too much, but I have a feeling.

If I am wrong, thats okay, but for the meantime, feeling quietly confident.

Will talk to Shannon about doing a test on Sunday I think.

A confession

Okay I confess, I am fighting the urge to pee on a stick! I am 10dpo, the day I started getting faint lines with the last pregnancy (miscarriage), honestly the only thing that is holding me back is that I had the hcg injection at transfer 8 days ago, so even if I saw a faint line I wouldn't know if it was true or from the injection.

I will wait! My answer will be here on Monday either way, I am so over this roller coaster, hoping and dreaming and wondering. I just want to know if this is going to happen for us or not.. Of course in reality even if I get the positive it is only the very beginning of the ride for us, but I'll cross that bridge if I'm ever lucky enough to get there again.

Please send me strength to stay away from the sticks!

Ahh!! A head cold

And I'm miserable about it! Blocked sinuses, runny nose, headache, aching all over, you know the drill! Bad timing but what can I do?

Today I have an online exam that will take 2 hours, have scheduled myself for 2pm and should be doing last minute study right now but am having difficulties focusing.

After feeling so confident yesterday about this cycle, it is fleeting, am going into self protection mode now and starting to look ahead. Am a little bummed that Shannon will be away next week for work when I get af, but I am sure I'll be okay. The plan is to take 2 months break, this will give me time to physically and emotionally recover a bit, we will also be doing the big move to Cairns, we got a date for the week of June 16th. Then I think we have decided to do some IUI's, but we'll see I guess.

8dpo and some ramblings

So today is equivilant to 8 days post ovulation, or in my case 8 days since egg pick up. Still feeling nice and calm and actually feeling a little positive today, don't know why, nothing really different than last time and also too early to tell from any symptoms, but hey, I thought I would document them anyhow for future.

My bb's are still super sore (but they were up until 11dpo last time) and I'm super tired but also since yesterday I have had some on/off nausea and this morning in between the nausea I had an increased appetite. Still no desire to pee on a stick and truly hoping to hold off testing before period due at all. I am so over the analysing of lines (or imaginary lines) I want to see two big bright lines for a change (see told you I was thinking positive).

I do have a bit of a cold thanks to the trip down south but not too bad. Need to do heaps of study today as am doing an online exam tomorrow, better fly.

Out of the mouth of.. Laci

Yesterday was Mothers day, a day of mixed emotions for me. Thinking about my own mum and how sad I am that I never got to know her as an adult, all the things I would have loved to have chatted to her about in all the years since I was 12..

Also a day when I feel truly blessed, blessed to have Laci my gorgeous healthy talkative and unique 3 year old :) But yes, also the sadness that Piper is not here with us, how wonderful it would be to have my 2 girls here together, and sad that it is getting closer to the time where it may be permanently decided that Laci will be our own living child.

So last night as I lay in bed I was thinking of all the happiness that Laci brings ours lives. So I thought, I really should document some of the things that my girl comes out with these days.

" I love you soo much Mummy, in the whole world" (multiple times a day)

"Oh you look pretty Mummy" (ha ha when I am in shorts and t-shirt)

When I responded to her asking question after question in the car with "I don't know sweetheart, Mummy doesn't know everything" she replied "Daddy does!"

When I also replied to her request to fix something and I told her that sometimes things can't be fixed and that I couldn't fix everything.. you guessed it, she replied with "Daddy can!"

Telling me this morning "Some boys have big boobs Mummy, bigger than my little ones!" (she is completely fascinated with all things that make you a girl at the moment)

Our girl constantly dazzles us with her memory of things sometimes seen or told to her weeks and weeks before. After our trip to the aquarium in Sydney, her Poppy asked her 2 days later what she had seen at the aquarium. expecting a response like "oh some fishes" but instead Laci replies, "oh we saw Sharks with big teeth, a stingray, some fish and some were blue, a crocodile that looked at me with one eye, some fairy penguins that were swimming, some seals that were laying in the sun, a starfish that I got to touch, some seahorses and I think that was about it" ha ha my Dad was a little stunned!

A few days ago we were in the bathroom and she said "Oh look its a rainbow on the door, the rainbow is coming from the window because the sun is shining through, but rainbows don't last very long you know" Ah she just blows me away some days!

Love you sweet girl xxx

Back home

Sorry for the sparce updates over the past few days, has been pretty hectic! So yes we are back home in Weipa, arrived home late last night and boy it was wonderful to be back in my own bed after 3 weeks.

So fertilisation. I had the 3 eggs, the scientist said that one was abnormal, so that only left the two and of the two only one fertilised again. Obviously I am happy to have the one but still feeling slightly ripped off to have gone through the whole process and to only have the one chance, but yes I know, it only takes one!

So after that news on Tuesday, we set out to enjoy Shannons birthday, we met a friend who was over fro London for lunch which was nice. Then in the afternoon I managed to get into see an acupuncturist. He actually specialises in IVF and fertility clients, so was a good find. It was a very interesting consult to say the least! He felt my pulses and was amazingly accururate in describing me including physical ailments etc. He said that he doesn't believe in "early menopause"tag, just that I am going through a period of time where my hormones are not good basically. He said that if this cycle doesn't work that I should have a few months break. I agree. I need to lose some weight, exercise more, eat better etc and also give some attention to my emotional health. He said after feeling my pulses that I was also "Sad" as soon as he said this I felt tears well up, so I guess he was right. He said that really I need longer treatment but that he would do his best in 2 treatments. So on the tuesday I was there for over an hour. It was actually quite painful, which he said was because my hormones are low etc.

After the acupuncture, we met friends for dinner and then a movie. I had actually been physically feeling quite good all day Tuesday, much better than last time day after egg pick up. But during dinner I started getting cramps and bloating and feeling quite yuck.

On wednesday it was transfer day, I felt surprisingly calm (maybe the acupuncture?) and I was confident my emby would look good for transfer. And it did! Last time it was only a 3 cell (they said this was fine) but this time round at pretty much the exact same timing it was a perfect 4 cell. The procedure was super easy and no apin at all, very different to last time again :)

Shannon and I then toddled off back to the acupuncturist and he did more treatment (about 45 minutes) he said he woul dhave liked to have seen my a few more times during the 2 week wait, but as we were flying back home, not possible. So he put some lovelt little needles in my ears with tape. I was a bit worried about them! They hurt giong in but am used to then now, I am to leave them in for 5 days.

We then jumped in the car back up to sisters, stayed the night, got up thursday morning, drove the 4 hours back to sydney and flew back to Cairns.

On Friday morning I had a job interview for when we move to Cairns and we spent the day driving around looking at areas, working out travel times etc and last night we flew home!

Have a hens party tonight, honestly, not sure if I will go, one thing that is different to last time is this extreme fatigue, maybe the acupuncture?

The nervous wait

This morning I find out if any of my eggs fertilised. Its not easy waiting to hear if I have a chance or not.. Hopefully it won't be long and I will get the call.

So the egg pick up went reasonably well. I was much more awake and alert this time, could even see the screen and see the needle go into the follies and pierce them so that was pretty weird. I got my 3 eggs, so it was nice to know that my three big follies all contained an egg, now just to hope that they were good ones. They got my IV in first go this time which was much better than last times 5 attempts, it was in a very painful position but at least it was only one go.

I was in less pain this time round, both last night and today, but had terrible nausea last night. Am happy that pain is less so I can be a bit more social, especially as it is Shannon's birthday today. My hubby is 31. Hopefully good news will top the day soon :)

Not much else to say right now, as you can probably tell I am completely fixated on the phone ringing and finding out the news, so will go until there is more to report

All is go!

Just got home from the drive from Bathurst, pretty tired but had a great night and nice drive.

Friday at the clinic went as best as it could have. My 3 follies are well and truly co-operating and are very nice sizes, in fact they are much better than last time which makes me wonder about maybe thats why fertilisation wasn't good and of course I now have my hopes up for more than 1 fertilising this time. I have my trigger injection tonight for egg pick up at 10.15 monday morning. We have to be there at 7.30 though.

Sadly the words "early menopause" were thrown around with my dr/nurse consult, no surprise really, I guess I already figured with my crappy responses that this was probably the case :(

Keeping my hopes up, I have to believe there is a good chance otherwise I just couldn't put myself through this all.

I love my sister!

Today she made it her mission to see what we could sort out and it all looks like being sorted. She now has monday off so Shannon and I will be able to head to sydney for the egg pick up etc knowing that Laci is happy and cared for :)

Now just tomorrow! EEKK please little ovaries, cooperate for me. So at about 7.30 in the morning, Shannon, Laci and I will jump in the car again off to Sydney, have the appointment, then we are going to visit a cousin of mine I haven't seen in many years, he lives in Bathurst. We will stay there the night then head back to sisters on Saturday (will take baout 6 hours I think). Just wanted a bit of change of scenery and the driving for us really isn't an issue (remember we live 1000kms to Cairns which 550kms of this is 4wd dirt road - only in dry season) so this are easy drives and there are toilets and food stops on these roads! lol

The town where my sister and dad live is actually the town where I grew up and Piper is buried here in next to my mum who passed when I was 12. Today I decided to go and sit at the graves at the cemetary. It was nice to have a quiet moment there by myself. I actually had a nice talk to them and asked them please to help me if they can. I asked then to help my conceive asap and have a healthy baby to raise.. I did then say that if they couldn't help, then that was okay, but could they give me the strength to be ok that the end of my ttc is here. I had a good cry too. I have never asked for 'help' before, so who knows? I can dream?