Some hope

So it seems my left ovary is really not good at cooperating! Today at the scan the right ovary still shoping one nice follie and then when she went to find the left, talk about a mission! It has never been easy and now I wonder whether the others just gave up too easily. After lots of pushing on the outside, lots and lots of discomfort etc, my left ovary was found with 2 follies on it! And nice sizes too!So yes I have 3 follies, just the same as last time, but instead of all being on the right, I have one on right and two on left.

Have another scan and bloods on friday and then egg pick up date will be set (hopefully!) keep growing little follies. Pick up looks looks like being monday or tuesday at this stage.Praying for one nice one to transfer again, given up hope of frosties.

Wow what a long day today was, but am super happy to have Shannon here with us now. Not sure how we are going to work next week in Sydney for the procedures, no where to stay with Laci and my sister is working on monday up here (3.5 hrs north of sydney).. It will work out some how.

A little calmer

So 24hrs can do alot for you. I had a good nights sleep even with Laci waking me for the day at 5.15am. A nice quiet morning, just Laci and I, we did some groceries and met my sister for lunch at her work and then I had a massage this afternoon.

Nurse at Westmead called me this arvo for a chat and see how I was, discussed my blood results from yesterday, oestrogen rising but certainly not great. We decided that its better to have repeat scan tomorrow - Wednesday instead of Thursday to keep a close eye on things. I am happy as I am also not overly confident that sonographer got it 100% right as was a very difficult scan, my ovaries were not cooperating, so hoping things will be a little clearer tomorrow. There is the option to convert this cycle to an IUI cycle, not sure how I feel about this.. A bloody expensive IUI cycle hey? But it has worked before..so I guess all hope won't be lost.

So the plan, I jump in the car in the morning at about 7am and drive to sydney for appointment at 12. Then Shannon arrives at Sydney airport at 1.45pm, so I will go and pick him up and then he will drive us back to Forster. Will be a long day and Laci is staying with my sister for the day.

Not feeling confident of anything wonderful tomorrow, I have honestly spent the day trying to focus on only having one living child. I am blessed to have her and I WILL be okay. I am just so over this! It is almost 9 years of trying to conceive now, 3 high risk pregnancies, one miscarriage, 2 caesar's, Pipers death and my gorgeous Laci.. .. I am pretty done :(

I think we are nearing the end

Not a good day :( Today at my ultrasound after 6 days of stimulation I have only only 2 follicules. Basically this is crap crap crap.. I have to go back on Thursday for another scan but really it will be to confirm that this cycle is a bust. I am already on a high dose so there really isn't anywhere to go from here except stop..

To say I am devestated would be an understatement. I am emotionally spent.. I just don't think I can do this anymore.. How much can I take? Not making any decsions today, I cried most of the drive back from sydney to my sisters, I have had a headache for 12 hours that just won't budge..

Shannon is here on Wednesday thank god!

First trip back and forth done

So I'm back after my 24 hour trip. I left yesterday at 12.45pm to drive from my sisters to sydney, took 4hours 15 due to some accidents on the F3. Stayed at friends the night, woke up with a headache (joy!) and headed off to Westmead for the appointment..

So its all official, money paid, bloods taken, first injection jabbed. I have to be back for bloods and scan on Saturday, so will drive down Friday night. The trip back today was just under 4 hours with 2 breaks, I had to stop as the weather is just terrible (rain and more rain) so needed the breaks.

Laci stayed here with my sister and neices but played up a bit, took ages to go to sleep and then was up roaming the house from 12 midnight till 2am, this is certainly not like her. So my sister was a little frazzled when i arrived back today at 2pm.

I am pretty tired, so am hoping for a good sleep for all of us tonight.

My body co-operates!

YAY My period arrived today on day 28, so its seems I was out with my "signs" lol.. though I must admit they wern't as obvious without any hormones and gee it was nice to have the month off the drugs.

Today I have a killer headache that won't budge even with panadiene, this is my usual day 1 of cycle reaction.. And I tell you what, I'm over it!

So tomorrow I am driving down to Sydney so that on Wednesday morning I can have the bloods done and start the injections then I will drive back up to sisters.. I am then here until I need to go down again on Saturday for more bloods and ultrasound. Please let me get a good response this time. So a bit of driving for me ahead, but it really is the best plan as Laci is happiest here with her Aunty, Poppy and cousins.

Laci still not 100% but certainly no worse, so will just see how she goes.

It is currently 16 degrees here, a bit of a chnge to our usual 30 at home at the moment, but its not too bad really, a nice change in some ways.

In NSW and its cold!

Laci and I arrived at my sisters on Friday night. Its good to be here, Laci is having an absolute ball with her cousins.. But gee the weather is nice..not! It is cold and raining.. been a while since I have experienced this! I did grow up in this town, but I think I have selective memory and only remember the summer days at the beaches, sunburn, no shoes etc

Laci had a temperature this morning and said that she feels sick and when I asked where, she said her throat. Hoping very much its not tonsilitis again.. Poor sausage has had so many bouts of tonsilitis coupled with febrile convulsions, I was really hoping she had turned the corner as has been a few months since the last time.. We have a referral to an ENT specialist sitting at home to consult her for a tonsilectomy, but we really don't want to go down that road if we don't need to..

I have to ring Westmead tomorrow to let them know if my period has arrived, though I am really not expecting it until tuesday or wednesday I think. After all these years analysing every sign of my body, I know it so well..Hoping it coming a day or so late doesn't mess up the dates as the nurses had said that want me down in Sydney on Wednesday for bloods and pick up injections, but if my period hasn't started, I don't know.. Guess I will find out tomorrow when I speak to them.

Off to NSW!

So today we are off again. Shannon is fling out at 2pm to Townsville for work, on Monday he heads off to Adelaide to present at a conference.. So seeming he was going to be away and Laci and I had to be in Sydney by next Tuesday, I figured we might as well head today as well. So Laci and I are on the 6pm flight to Cairns. We will stay the night in motel and then tomorrow fly to Sydney, jump in the hire car and head 3.5 hours north to my sisters.

Laci is very excited about seeing her cousins again and funnily enough also very excited about wearing winter clothes.. We had to have a fashion parade already this morning. Too cute! :)

So today will be pretty busy I guess, we will be away for 3 weeks at this stage so need to clear out the fridge etc.

Better get to it..

Laci sharing some cuteness

This is my girl a couple of days ago.
She just melts my heart!

A long day

Shannon is away overnight for work, so it has just been Laci and I home today. We are both feeling pretty crud with this head cold/sore throat business, so I wasn't really enthused about doing much at all..

Laci has watched quite a bit of cartoons on Austar, in between saying "I don't feel good" and "I'm cold" (rememebr it is still about 33 degress in the day here) and "I'm hungry".. The hungry part isn't knew, I hear it all day everyday, but at least her appetite doesn't seem to be affected by this lurgy, lucky considering she is still quite slim.. I weighed her this morning and she is a petite 13.4kg and she was 3 years old 2 months ago. She is fairly tall, but I don't think that much above average. She just looks tall I think beause she is slim and all arms and legs :)

Living here in the sticks can be very boring, I do know that if I hadn't of been working the last 2 years I would have gone quietly insane.. The highlight of our week for the past few weeks has been going to the dodgy little library or the little park, but that doesn't kill much time lol.. There is also only so many times that you can 'get groceries' when we only have a little supermarket and not much else! And today.. well there was no groceries to be done, the library is closed on mondays and she was feeling too yuck for the park.. So the day was veeeery long I tell ya! I also didn't really feel up to packing, so I couldn't even get excited about that!

So the highlight of the day.. checking the post box at the post office! ha ha.. There was a letter there from Westmead that stressed me out a bit.. It basically says they are really busy at the moment and they have "advanced booked" me for my cycle and I have to call on my expected date my period is due or I may lose my spot.. I am a little worried that my period will be late as my cycle seems to be acting a day or so behind.. OKAY!! I won't stress yet. There is a nurse there who knows my story and knows that we would have already flown all the way down there by then.. so hopefully there will be no problems.

Also a while back I had booked a review appointment with my fertility specialist in Cairns and that apointment is this wednesday, I am flying there and back on wednesday, I decided to keep the appointment to see what he thinks and also I think after this IVF cycle we may be pretty stretched $$ wise with the move and all, so I may have to consider some insemination (IUI) cycles with him and we will be living in Cairns so it will be so so much easier..

Better fly, time to organise an early dinner for us girls :)

Feeling yucko

So today I have woken with a runny nose that is dripping and causing a sore throat and now my body has just started the aches.. Oh joy, just hope its over with quickly, too much to do and I want to be well for the IVF stuff..

So the packing is in full steam ahead now, I have packed about 20 boxes, so have made a bit of a dint in it. Laci and I leave for NSW on Thursday so I want to get as much done as I can so that when I get back in 3 weeks the majority is done. We hope to leave in a about a week after we get back.

Lots of decisions to make in regards to the move to Cairns also, we have decided that we will rent for 6 months whilst we find somewhere to buy. At this stage we are thinking of just renting a furnished unit, there are plenty of these in Cairns and I just can't immagine unpacking everything for just 6 months.. we would put 95% of our belongings in storage.. How exciting to think that when I unpack these things next we will be in our own house and maybe just maybe I will be well and truly pregnant..

Trying really hard to keep positive about all this TTC stuff, I really do deep down think it is only a matter of time. I will get pg, I have done it beofore and there is no reason to believe it won't happen again.. I am also very excited about having a pregnancy close to medical services, that wil be a dream come true and will definately lesson the stress by alot!

Flights booked

So its all confirmed, today I booked all the flights for the treak for all of us down to Sydney for more IVF. I am actually going down with Laci about 4 days earlier than I have to, but Shannon is going to be away in Townsville then Adelaide for work, so we would be only be sitting here by ourselves bored silly in our isolated town here in Cape York QLD..

So its off to my sisters, I haven't told Laci yet and don't plan to until like a day before.. I have a good reason lol..Last time we told her about 3 weeks before and she was so so excited to be going to see her cousins (they are 6 and 4) that it was literally all we heard about for 3 weeks! Toddlers have no sense of time I have discovered, so it was painful constantly having to say, 'not yet, soon!' :) So I am sure she will be just beside herself when I tell her we are going back.

I anticipate we are going to be away pretty much 3 weeks, but will be able to update whilst I am away as my sister has the net now. Seems ages but I am thinking of it as a holiday, just with a few appointments, scans, blood tests and procedures thrown in for fun.. ha ha

Some plans

So it has only been 2 weeks since we found out that our first IVF attempt had failed.. I was quite surprised really, well not surprised that it failed but surprised at how poorley I responded to the drugs.. They started me on a higher than average starting dose as with the insemination (IUI) cycles it always took a bit more to get one follicle and this time they were wanting a minimum of 10.. But it wasn't to be, I only had 3 follies, they offered to cancel the cycle, but we had travelled so far and organised so much that I figured it was worth going ahead, cause you know "it only takes one"..

So they collected 4 eggs, only 3 were mature and only 1, yes ONE fertilised, they transferred it back on day 2 and it didn't take..

So now what next? We found out yesterday that a decision had been made by my fertility specialist, they will try a different protocol for the IVF, instead of a down-regulation (or long cycle) they will try a antagonist cycle (a short one) I am assuming they will also increase the does of the stimulation drugs..

So its all happening pretty quickly, I have to be back down in Sydney in less than 2 weeks and its full steam ahead for attempt number 2.. Am actually feeling very calm about it all, so we'll see when it gets closer..

Busy Morning

Nice to have a busy Saturday morning, today we sold our chooks and chook house to a friend and then we spent the morning cleaning up the backyard. I am just waiting for Shannon to get back from the rubbish dump and we'll load up again..

So I guess that means we really are leaving our whoop whoop town after 4 years! We don't have a fixed date yet, but it will be sometime in the next 4-8 weeks.

The first post

After quite a few years deliberating as to whether anyone would even be interested in my ramblings, here I am. If anything, I guess it will be a way I can 'get it out' for myself.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about how life my has certainly been interesting! There are times when I think, "Wow, life has certainly had its challenges for me" and also moments of 'why me?', but really I do have to say in all honesty that I feel pretty blessed. I feel so so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and healthy happy 3 year old daughter..

I do also think that it is important for me to acknowledge at times that I am not 'normal', but then whats 'normal'? I have experienced a lot at a young age, and that has to affect a person somehow right?

I am sure the life experiences I have had, has shaped who I am today in many ways. So that's why for me, it was important to list some of the major stages in my life at a glance. So yep, thats it under my photo. I did try not too make it too depressing lol, there are alot of great things in there too :) It wil be a work in progress as life moves along and I also remember things, that maybe I blocked out lol

Oh and if you are reading out there, please post comments and let me know, always nice to know if I'm just talking to myself :)